My eyes trace over her outline
and settle near her top.
She’s got the nicest biggest pair
of...eyes I’ve ever seen.
I’m talking cartoon character big.
Big like two moon cookies
blinking from the center
of two bowls of cream
They open up just before a smile
to let her light out and squint to hide it
just as her laughing lips peel back
to announce her intent on being joyful.
It’s a sea of crystalline amber
swirled into infinite possibility.
I can recognize my future
in the light that catches in their corners.
I feel small swimming inside them.
I look as far into them as I can,
wondering if there is a bottom,
hoping to never find it.
________________________________
# 24 I regret the things I’ll never change
I’ll never be able to change people’s minds
about California Pizza Kitchen.
It’s not pizza
and it’s not a kitchen,
and it’s not exclusive to California.
Everything about the name
is a lie
and no one cares.
I’ll never be able to change the mindset
of the person taking 20 items
to the 10 items or less aisle
and thinks putting a divider
between the first 10
and the second 10
makes their fooling no one trick okay.
No one thinks it’s cute
and we’re all in a rush
I’ll never know how to explain to drivers
that someone on a bike
should not be a threat
to you or your car.
Driving aggressively around
them just makes you
look like an asshole.
I’ll never have the time to go back and fix all the untapped potential
that got paved over
by the bills of survival’s necessity.
It’s too late
to dig it all up again,
but at least it’s a solid foundation
to build on top of.
I’ll never change my later rather than sooner mentality
that has made procrastination
the cornerstone of most
of my loudest self-doubts.
There’s a world of difference
between said and done.
_____________________
#25 Making Breakfast the Eye of our Morning Hurricane
The screeching halt to sleep broken by a persistent alarm clock
that races roosters for the first noise of the day.
Signalling the countdown has started and there is no avoiding it.
The light in the bathroom is louder than trumpets,
as the pieces that make up my whole wake slowly.
The coffee is always a little different each morning.
What am I gonna where? I still need to shower.
I still need to take a shower before the neighbors wake up
to steal whatever is left of the hot water.
Do I have matching socks? I need to do laundry.
I need to find time for laundry in my evenings.
Maybe I can move my relaxing to the weekends,
squeeze that in between the errands and feeling like a person.
Halfway through the countdown and I feel like I’ve gotten nothing done.
Then we share breakfast,
and listen to the quiet,
and hold each other’s attention
with stolen glances
and reminders that at the end of the day
we will be waiting for each other
with a whole day of life to share.
I reach across the table
to squeeze her hand
and share our body’s warmth
with each other over a sigh.
The last bite takes the longest to chew.
The countdown is nearing the end. I’ve still gotta pack my lunch,
digest my breakfast, brush my teeth, ready my backpack,
check the air in my tires, check the weather, check the traffic,
check the windows again and make sure they are shut.
Did I lock all the windows? I don’t want to close them too early,
or it will get stuffy in here before I leave, then I’ll sweat,
then I’ll get anxious and wonder if I am actually ready or I need change.
Will the traffic be too much today? The sound of cars going by reminds me
of what I’m up against.
My morning is already over.
I forgot to pay attention to it again.
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