30 in 30 2016: To Edit or Not to Edit

Fear of editing is a common affliction for writers. If someone else tries to make my work better, isn't that really just them putting their own influence/preferences on my words? Not really, but that's part of the irrational fear that sets in and starts waking up it's BFF Apathy to keep everything stagnating.

Apathy for edits is that feeling of "well...what's the point of fixing it if it isn't going anywhere." An awful mindset to have, especially about your own work, but that's always been a big-ish issue for me. I don't want to do it just because it's there to be done and nothing says it really needs to be done. It would be easier if I had to turn it in, deadlines work great for me, but fake ones are too transparent to trick my brain into upping the effort.

Even as I'm writing this, I'm coming up with reasons it doesn't make any sense to put the effort into edits. What if I put the effort into reading through them all and fixing them, but wind up making them worse or not being able to fix them at all? What if I go to reread them and find out they were awful and I want to change everything? What if what if what if? All the what if's end up bring on the stagnation I want to avoid anyway.

It feels strange not editing the poems, almost like abandoning something I cared about a great deal, at least for a time. It is like not calling your parents for a long time, sure it doesn't REALLY affect that much, but you feel bad for letting it happen anyway. Ultimately I don't think I will put a lot of time into editing the poems, at least not publicly. I feel like the important part about the whole 30 in 30 experiment was to put my efforts out there for whatever they were worth. I am pleased with the way a lot of them came out and with the experiment overall. Even with that I feel like editing the poems and posting them back onto my blog would be like running in place. Not getting anywhere from trying the same thing over and over again.

I've got an idea, that instead of posting the edits to the poems I'll record myself reading the poems aloud and posting them instead. I need more practice with my voice and I feel like it's easier to get the work out there if people don't have to read the stuff. Not sure if I'll do audio recordings or try my hand at YouTubery, but I like the idea of that way more than posting more walls of text to the emptiness of my corner of the internet. Plus I'm overdue for getting pro-active with putting my work out there. Fixating on making the poems "better" to publish on my blog seems less important than using the poems to practice other aspects of writing and presenting my work.

This idea may end up not happening like some of the others I've had, but given the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, the edits and posting on my blog feels far too samey. Gotta try something new, even if I'm not exactly sure what that new thing is yet.