Poetry Post: Too Early For a Family Reunion

The sun is not even out of bed
but my family to shows up for a surprise reunion.
This is especially impressive
with home three-thousand miles away.

When I cough the dusty sleep
out of my lungs
I hear my mother in the rasp of my throat.
I un-tuck my face from under my hair,
my father's younger self smirks at my genetics.
Hidden in the angle of my nose
is a fist mark the shape of my brother's anger
Peaking out from the corners
of the blue in my eyes,
is a smile my sister and I have shared since birth.
And bad habit justifications sound
like my littlest sister's grand plans of
nothing out of the ordinary.

The sun creeps out of bed,
breakfast is a childhood memory
 of my mother's oatmeal
drowning in the strong coffee
of my father's forty hour work week.
I have never felt far away from them.
Someday I hope to learn to miss them.

The Year Ahead

This is normally around the time of year people are supposed to come up with their new years resolutions for how they will change their lives over the next calendar year. This is typically a reflection of all that didn't get accomplished the previous year. All the projects that weren't completed, or ever started for that matter. It's letting go of regret about what we couldn't do by fooling ourselves into thinking we'll change through long term goals we will put off until we forget about them.

If you Google it, there are no shortage of random charts with no data and/or dubious sources to back them up that prove what I'm saying:

I don't want to be statistic fodder this year. If the type of grand plan thinking involved in New Years Resolution worked to accomplish my goals, I'd have been the #1 best selling astronaut rock star billionaire writer who owns the world's first solar-powered perpetually-flying house by age 10 (a resolution I made when I still didn't understand that resolutions weren't like birthday wishes; or the unreliable nature of birthday wishes for that matter). Trying to use that type of thinking is only giving myself a chance to fail at a task I probably don't really want to do anyway. This is usually because of the overwhelming immensity involved in what I set out to do or I set the bar so low the accomplishment isn't really worth mentioning. Though last year's resolution to find a better smelling body wash has paid off pretty solidly.

My old resolutions have always involved changing various habits (write daily, work less, exercise daily, eat less junkfood) yet even with those type of resolutions I have a hard time acting on my desire for the change. Resolutions by their very nature tend to be immense life changes that are all or nothing situations. I've never considered myself a cold turkey kind of habit quitter, so I can't imagine I'm the type to pick one up similarly.

That's why instead of making an overwhelming demand of myself in the guise of a New Year's Resolution, I'm planning to try to affect more subtle daily changes to my habits. Give myself room to improve rather than be disappointed in myself for not accomplishing the overwhelming goal I'd originally set out to do. Looking at it this way gives me a chance to improve on plans I make depending on how they work out without the worry-weight of a huge decision. 

What's this feeling I've got? Did I have too much coffee today? Not yet I don't think. Wait a minute, I remember this. It's that same feeling I had heading west from NY after college. It's optimistic hope for the weeks ahead. Hope, welcome back to my guts.