BUELLMAGGEDON!

Buellmaggedon came and went. California survived having the full weight of awesomeness from two people with Buell DNA within it's borders. My little sister came out to visit two weeks ago.When I say little I mean a 26 year old sister. I have not seen any of my family in over a year. It was wonderful to spend time with her and start to show her some of the things that I have fallen in love with in California. The last time she had come to visit, I didn't know the area well enough at all to really show her around. Plus I had to work the entire time. This trip I had the entire week with her. I got to re-experience my favorite things in California with someone who was experiencing them for the first time.

We spent the week over-indulging in everything. Lots of trips to the candy store and as much delicious food as we could find. I was sad to see her go, but the whole trip had left an overall feeling of renewed love for where I am in my life. Her being here also got me thinking a lot about the past. A re-evaluation of how I became who I am and if that's who I want to be going forward through the rest of my life.

Very little of what I learned in college was useful outside of college, but there were a few noted exceptions.  One of those exceptions my class on the bible as a literary text. Specifically the lecture on the book of Revelations. The professor stressed from the onset that Revelations is apocalyptic writing; which is not to be confused with writing about THE Apocalypse. Apocalyptic writing is about how societies crumble and are reborn. It is the cycle of destruction and rebirth. It isn't the end of life, it is life.

I find that same cyclical pattern happening all around me. It as a cycle that I, and probably most people, have to go through. The loss of who you were and rediscovery of who you are. There are a lot of things that can trigger one of these sort of things in my life: the waxing and waning of that feeling of potential in myself, a broken heart, losing my job, losing a friend, etc. I can see it in my writing. I look back at past poems and journal entries and I can see the cycles playing out.

Since my sister's visit, I have felt like I'm on the upswing out of a mentally destructive period. I can see how much confidence I had been lacking in my own ideas and understandings of what I am living. I'm in the beginning of a rebuilding cycle. I am not sure what I'm building just yet, but I feel like something is boiling up inside my brain's guts and is going to find a way out of my head sooner or later.

Seasick is Lovesick's Wavy Cousin

Seasick is Lovesick’s Wavy Cousin

A Storybook Poem by Andy "Ocean in my Beard" Buell

Illustrations by Tom "Sassy Sailor" Dewing

Out later than he should have been,
a nervous sailor
gets caught in a storm of night lightning.
As the angry waves threatened
to steal his vessel as a trophy
for the lonely ocean floor,

the sailor stood at the
side of his boat, opened
his chest and placed his
heart in a bottle.

He hoped offering his beat
to a lonely sea dweller
would calm the waters
and the wind to bring him home.

A mermaid, who longed for the
taste of atmosphere,

caught his sinking rhythm.
Placed it to her ear and heard
the sound of the shore
echoing in its depths.

She opened her chest,
placed her own saltwater pump
into the sailor's bottle,
floated it back to him,
The bubble-tears she wiped from her eyes
carried it up to the surface.

The sailor plucked it from the waves,
and felt her salt-water rhythm
as the winds changed
and the ocean guided him to shore.

Safely to port, salt-water 
pumping in his veins,
the sailor wrote thank you notes
to the mermaid for returning him home.

With sand between his toes, 

he sent out fleets of these

messages in Mermaidese,

filled with hope that someday

he can thank her in person,

when they've learned

 to breathe the same atmosphere

The End

What I learned during 30 in 30.

Every year during National Poetry Writing Month (April) I try to challenge myself to write 30 poems in 30 days. This was the first year I was able to complete them on time, without haiku-ing my way to 30 "poems". There are a lot of people who make a habit of posting what they write onto social media websites. I am not that brave with my words. This year I tried to see it more as an experience in understanding how to refine my own process of writing more than a social occasion.

In years past I've tried to share everything and felt a weird pressure to write something great the first time. I am not good at great the first time. This year I tried to think of it more like a lot of first drafts coming out however they are. I tried to move out of my comfort zones and really push through the work until the idea was complete, even though none of the poems would be. Just in thinking of them as first drafts to be fixed at a later date made it easier to get the poems written. No one should expect perfection out of their first draft.

I'm hoping to take that same attitude towards the blog this year. Instead of spending five months not giving it any time because I don't feel I've got something worth hearing in me, I'll take more time saying whatever it is I'm going to say. If I let my draft's goal be completing the idea, then I'll be able to complete the work when I go back to reflect on the idea.

Planned posts on the horizon: Buellmageddon and how to survive it, Getting lost on my commute to work, and more than a few poetry posts?